Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Finding Balance

I'm a big thinker. I think a ton in this brain of mine and I tend to have an obsessive nature too when I get excited about something. I'll over prepare or over think the crap out of it.

This can cause priorities to get messed up and for me to get a lost feeling like I've been feeling lately. Usually my feelings are over-fueled, so I try to remember that and try to reel those dang feelings in. But lately, I've felt like an aimless wanderer. Not sure where I'm going, but just trying to be there for my man and others.

I'm not saying I need "me" time, cause I definitely don't think that's it. I have plenty of it and will definitely realize that more when our son comes. I've just been feeling a little purpose-less.

As someone who believes in God and my salvation in Jesus, I often feel like I'm never getting it right. (I've been told I don't give myself much credit) I get disgusted with my nature/thoughts. I'm one of those I guess that strives for perfection, so my relationship with God is often filled with guilt, definitely not how God wants it. This perfection expectation is from my mind, not God's. And I should also mention that this isn't just how I am with my relationship with God, but with others as well.

I can put the weight of the world unnecessarily on my shoulders.

Rob and I have had some deep conversations about this. He's helped me a lot. I do believe I try to work on this, but sometimes when things get off-balanced in my brain, I'll realize I've gone weeks thinking the wrong way.

Don't misunderstand, I'm very happy. Goodness, I'm happy. One of my traits I'm thankful for is that I love to live in the moment (as each day isn't guaranteed) and soak up it's goodness and the many blessings in our lives. I can just think my way into this topic when my brain is mush and I don't know where I'm heading or what I'm doing.

Well, I guess that's why I love that song that I heard sung by a Denmark choir back when I was in Master's Commission (almost 10 years ago, whattt??) They sang a simple song that melted me...still does...

We fall down, but we get up
We fall down, but we get up
We fall down, but we get up
For a saint is just a sinner who fell down
And got up

We all have our battles, right? Even if you're not a follower of Jesus, we all need the reminder that we all fall down or fall short. There's no need to wallow in that mess and feel worse about yourself, but just tell yourself to get back up. Take a breath...and keep going.

Love to you all! :)

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